The minister and his marriage
I want to start this all important discuss by saying that:
“The Minister’s Marriage is his most important Ministry” again, that Minister’s wife is an essential partner in her husband’s divine calling – some times, the challenges of the ministry crop up due to our inability to draw a definite line on where is the border.
The Minister and his wife should realize that your marriage and ministry will go through many phases. Being able to adjust to and survive each phase is critical. The understanding of the Biblical directive that wives should submit to the headship of the husband will go a long way to help them survive a hostile service environment.
What is marriage – it’s between one man and one woman (Gen. 2:24).
In a Christian marriage, there is no room for multiple wives or husbands.
Neither is marriage between two men or two women.
According to Biblical principles, a marriage is a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman.
Commitment before God – A Christian marriage started with a commitment before God, in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer…
Marriage – The legally or formally recognized union of two people (a man and a woman) as partners in a personal relationship.
A union between a man and a woman
What is God’s definition of Marriage?
Marriage is a divine institution that can never be broken even if the husband or wife legally divorce in a civil court as long as they are both alive.
The Church considers them bound together by God in Holy Matrimony.
Purpose: – Marriage is the beginning of the family and is a lifelong commitment; it provides an opportunity to grow in selflessness as you serve your wife and children.
Marriage is more than a physical union, it is also a spiritual and emotional union, and something very unique about it is that it mirrors the one between Christ and His Church.
What does God say about Marriage?
“So they are no longer two, but one flesh; therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate: Love and faithfulness meet together, righteousness and peace embrace each other”
Furthermore, the Institution of marriage was brought to be by God in the Garden of Eden at the time of man’s creation (Gen. 2:18-24).
1) The relationship is to reflect the Image of God (Gen. 1:26-27). So God created mankind in his own image, in the Image of God He created them, male and female He created them.
2) The relationship is fruitful – Gen. 1:28. God blessed them and said to them “Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.”
3) Monogamous Relationship between husband and wife as stated in the original law (Matt. 19:5) and said “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh! And (1 Cor. 6:16) says do you know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said “The two will become one.”
4) Husbands and Wives are equal before God (Eph. 5:29-31). After all, no one ever hated their own body but they feed and care for their body just as Christ does the church — for we are members of his body – For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh and 1 Pet. 3-7 says “Husband, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
5) Marriage is an indissoluble relationship except on the highest grounds. Matthew 19:9 “I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another woman commits adultery”.
6) Husband is the loving head of relationship and wife is subordinate 1 Cor. 11:8, 9 for man did not come from woman but woman from man; neither was man created for woman but woman for man and (Eph. 5:21-33) “Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands, as you do to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Saviour.
Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their own husbands in everything.
Husband love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her… However, each one of you also must Love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband… and Col. 3:19 – Wives submit yourselves to your own husbands as it is fitting in the Lord. Husbands Love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
In summary, we can see that Scripture tells us Marriage is an intimate and complementing union between a man and a woman in which the two become one physically in the whole of life.
God’s purpose of marriage is to reflect the relationship of the Godhead and to serve Him. Although the all has married the divine purpose and unction of marriage, the definition reflects God-ordained Ideal for marriage from the beginning.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife and they shall be one flesh”.
“This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the Church” (Eph. 5:32).
“For the husband is the head of his wife just as Christ is the head of the Church, he being the Saviour of the body. In fact, as the Church is in subjection to Christ, wives should also be to their husbands in everything. Husbands continue loving your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave himself up for it.
In order that he might sanctify it, cleansing it with the bath of water by means of the word. So that he might present to himself in its splendor, without a spot or a wrinkle or any of such things, but holy and without blemish.
In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cherishes it. Just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body. For this reason, a man will leave his father and his mother and he will cleave to his wife and the two will be one flesh.
“This sacred secret is great, now I speak about Christ and the Church. Nevertheless, each one of you must love his wife as he does himself on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.” (Ephesians 5:23-33)
The union of a man and a woman in marriage is a mystery because it conceals as in a parable, a truth about Christ and the church.
The divine reality in the concept of marriage is that God ordained a permanent union between His Son Jesus Christ and the Church.
Marriage between a man and a woman is the earthly representation of this plan of God. As God willed for Christ and the Church to become one body (Galatians 3:28; 1 Cor. 12:13). So he desires for marriage to reflect his pattern.
Husbands and wives should copy God’s model for the relationship between Christ and the Church.
Some essentials of this divine model are:
First, the Church is to be led by Christ as the woman is to be led by their husband.
The responsibility of the man is to see the vision for the family and that of the woman is to submit to the leadership of her husband as they work together to fulfill the vision.
It is also the responsibility of Christ to provide while the church puts the resources into use so as to achieve the joint goal.
The man is to provide for the home. In fact, 1 Timothy 5:8 describes anyone who does not provide for his home as worse than an infidel, having rejected the faith.
The woman on the other hand is to use the resources provided by the man (while also supporting, as much as she can) for the good of the home and not buying frivolous jewelry or shoes or clothes except where the man has provided specifically for that.
The wife being a helpmeet should be able to support the man as much as she can (Gen. 2:18; Eph. 5:22).
If we could pattern our marriages according to the relationship between Christ and the Church, we would have many more fulfilling marriages and peaceful homes today.
Christ has an undying love for the Church. Since his relationship with the Church is our model, let me ask you Pastor, Minister, do you love your wife enough to die for her?
If a husband loves his wife genuinely, a lot of usual problems they complain about would be avoided. You complain virtually about everything because you have lost your first love. Love is patient and kind, Love is not jealous, Love does not become provoked to anger. It does not keep account of the injury or offence (1 Cor. 13:4-5).
Minister, as a husband, you should not buy new clothes for yourself and forget to get for your wife – these attitude may show how little you love her.
Some of us find it difficult to spend time with their wives. If you really love someone, you should spend time with the person. Jesus said, if you call Him at anytime, He would answer (Jeremiah 33:3). That’s how you should be with your wife, anytime she needs you, you should be there. You are the priest of the home just as Christ is the Church’s high priest.
When you Love and express your Love for your wife, she will cook better meals for you, and be more radiant, more beautiful for you.
Remember “He that loveth his wife loveth himself (Eph. 5:28).
From the experience of Job, we see that a man’s wife is his life. God told Satan that he could touch all that Job had except his life. Satan killed Job’s children, destroyed all his property, inflicted his flesh with sicknesses and diseases but did not touch his wife. She was not touched because God had said “Don’t touch Job’s life” and since they were one, his life was hers and hers was his.
Whatever you do to your wife, you are actually doing to yourself.
She should be loved, protected, nourished and cherished greatly because your life depends on it. God is taking note.
Dear Minister hear this: The Lord shall cut off the man that doeth this, the master and the scholar, out of the tabernacles of Jacob, and him that offereth an offering unto the Lord of hosts.
And this have ye done again, covering the altar of the Lord with tear, with weeping and with crying out in so much that he regardeth not the offering anymore or receiveth it with good will at your hand.
Yet you say wherefore? Because the Lord hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou has dealt treacherously yet she is thy companion and the wife of thy covenant” Malachi 2:12-14.
“Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave himself for it” Eph. 5:25; Col. 3:19. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” Col. 3:18.
THE ROLE OF A PASTOR’S WIFE
“A wife who is reflecting God’s helping character desires to sustain or uphold her husband, she strengthens, comforts and seeks to protect him because of her love for the Lord and for her husband, she endeavours to dispel his fears by being trustworthy and gracious.” (1 Timothy 3:11). Women should likewise be serious not slanderous, moderate in habit, faithful in all things…
For the most part, the pastor serves as the Spiritual Leader and Overseer of the Church branches, spending countless hours teaching, preaching and counseling others.
He may challenge or encourage his flock to draw closer and dedicate one’s life to the Lord.
In doing so, a Pastor is forever trying to lead others down a path of righteousness, which means a change for many of our members. Some are willing and some are not so willing.
A pastor’s calling is a marvelous calling but at times, can be very challenging, lonely, exciting frustrating and yet very satisfying, just as it is important for man to have a help mate. It is doubly important for a pastor to have that special someone to assist and fulfill God’s calling for their “Special Work” or Ministry.
It is true the Bible does not address the involvement of Pastor’s wife in any ministry. In other words, the Pastor and his wife determine how active the Pastor’s wife should be. The main area of responsibility for any wife is to support and be submissive to her husband. (Eph. 5:22-24). However, if the Lord calls a man into the Ministry, He calls the whole man and that includes the man’s wife and his family.
In reality, there is no way the wife of a Pastor should assume the role of the Pastor. I mean that the wife does not do the work of the Pastor but the Pastor and his wife are a team who are yoked together to do God’s work.
Only few recognized the reality of this and want to put the pastor’s wife in a box and delegate to her to do some type of traditional church work, submitting, keeping the home fire burning, and of course, being a prayer supporter for her husband. That certainly is a responsibility, but quite often, the pastor’s wife has gifts that can and should be used in ministry.
The Pastor’s wife has a very special role in the Church and in the life of the Pastor; she will often keep her husband’s long hours, shoulder his pressures, feel his disappointments, and suffer his defeats. She often analyzes sermons, catching grammatical errors, smiles in the face of criticism and negative comments about her husband and children.
This is no other occupation, besides perhaps being the actual first lady in which a spouse is so defined by what her husband does.
• She is often a nurse healing emotional wounds that seem to cause many pastors to give up.
• She is a counselor that helps her husband to work out difficulties that are too close for him to see.
• She is a lover and protector to shield him from harm and to provide a loving care that is so vitally needed especially when one feels they are in a lonely profession.
• Many Pastors do not have close friends with whom they share their problems in a situation like that the Pastor’s wife provides that companionship that encourages him to continue even when he feels like giving up.
• A Pastor’s wife often understands that baby Christians no matter how old, in age can be acting out because they are hurting
TIPS FOR PASTOR’S WIFE
(1) Don’t be intimidated – by the way the previous Pastor’s wife did her things, people are differently gifted, be yourself.
(2) Be Real – Don’t try to live up to the expectation of others but gently be yourself.
(3) Be careful in whom you confide with; many pastors and their wives have chosen to find a person outside of the church with whom to confide on personal and church issues. Due to the high expectations from others and the nature of pastor’s dealing with the weaknesses of others.
(4) Don’t gossip or share anything negative about a church member; you do not know his/her relations, he will get to hear it, people can often lose their respect for the Pastor.
(5) Pray with your husband everyday – It is imperative that every pastor’s wife pray for the hedge of protection to be around her husband and family every day.
Pray for wisdom,
Pray for God sending provision from the North South East and West.
Pray for Good health and that you will be the person God wants for you to be that day.